Style Alert

Recently I have noticed the emergence of a new trend. Actually, it’s not entirely new. To be honest, it is a fashion that has been around for quite a while, but it has recently made a big comeback. Huge. Unfortunately, it’s not a style that suits most. Ladies and gents, the latest craze that seems to have taken the world by storm is that gaudy, flashy, over-the-top, but nonetheless seemingly irresistible touch of narcissism.

Now while I believe that there are many out there who actually need an extra-helping of self-love, I have encountered a few of late who may want to consider taking a step back and pondering others. You know, just for a moment or two.

Narcissist No 1 – Manic Fairy is actually quite a lovely woman; unfortunately the person she is most lovely towards is herself. She has one child. She does not work. Her husband does not work. How these people manage to put food on the table and keep a roof above their heads is one of our universe’s greatest mysteries. Granted, Manic Fairy has been through some tough times lately and she is quick to acknowledge that she has survived in part thanks to her friends. Manic Fairy is vibrant and beautiful. She is one of those individuals who can make a friend in a room full of strangers. I think if they had got her to have a quick chat with Saddam she probably could have managed to convince him to reconsider the whole oppression of his people plan and be well, just a little bit nicer. And so, when Magic Fairy asks you for a favour it’s hard to say ‘no’. Well, at least it’s hard for me to say ‘no’. And so she asks, and I do, and she asks and I do, and she asks and I… you get the picture.

The last time she asked me to have her child for a day I really didn’t want to say ‘yes’ but it’s hard to say, “No, I can’t help you out because my life is really hectic at the moment, and besides my kid hates your kid.” And so, using the wonder that is a passive-aggressive response that generations of Jewish women have perfected, I replied, “Sure. I mean I have a mountain of work to do, but it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.” I’ll be honest, I was expecting a “don’t worry about it” or at the very least, “if you have my kid Saturday, I’ll take yours Sunday”. But alas, Manic Fairy simply thanked me for my offer and wished me the best of luck with my work.

On reflection though, the biggest issue with Manic Fairy might be me. Her highly evolved sense of me, me, me may just be here to teach me how to say “NO!” something I think many women feel quite frightened of – myself included. Her responses make me consider whether it is in fact a lack of self-love on my part that is the real problem.

But, not all narcissists are the same.

Narcissist No 2 - Now, I have acknowledged Manic Fairy is lovely and beautiful, friendly and engaging. Little Miss It’s-All-About-Me is not. In fact, when I first met Little Miss IAAM my gut told me to stay away from the bitch. I need to learn to listen to my gut.

Little Miss IAAM is one of the most self-absorbed human beings to walk the planet. She does nothing for anyone unless she is able to tell the world how amazing she is for doing it. This is a woman for whom publicity is key. She regularly tells people how many friends she has on Facebook – yes, I’m serious. You didn’t think people actually did that, did you? Her mission in life this year has been to capture the highly un-coveted role of Parent Association President. She has yet to realise it’s all hers – mainly because nobody else wants it. Her tactical plan of how best to secure such a lofty position is to regale all who will listen with tales of her greatness. “I’ve managed to get such amazing prizes for the raffle…”, “I’ve convinced someone to give us this and that..”, “I just don’t stop…” She’s right. She doesn’t stop. Poor girl, hasn’t anyone told her that all she needed to do to be elected Pres is put her hand up?

I am just disappointed that no network has realised what an amazing reality television show this woman’s life would make. Think about it, you could have the close-up footage of her public, grandiose promises and then a quick cut to the scene of the promise unfulfilled and her looking on, totally blank faced. What promise? Huh? Have I told you how popular I am lately? No, really, have I told you?

This woman actually had a fund-raising event postponed until she returned from holiday in the honest belief that only she could fill a hall. “You know, I am quite social…” Lost for words doesn’t even cover it.

This kind of woman angers me to the core. There are hundreds, thousands, possibly millions of women out there suffering from a lack of confidence. Women who continually perceive their best to be just not damn good enough. Perhaps it is women like Little Miss It’s-All-About-Me who have stolen the self-love. They are hording it, keeping it locked in a box somewhere while us ordinary women lie back at night and ponder every mistake, faux pas, and possible fuck up we have made that day.

A little bit of self-love is a great thing. It’s something most of us need more of. But I guess it’s kind of like wearing something bright and garish. A touch of something bold brings you to life, makes you stand out for all the right reasons. Like all other fashions though, too much ‘me’ and eventually you’ll be thrown into a garbage bag destined for the Salvo bin.