Recently friends and I have become increasingly intolerant of a fellow Grade 3 mother who a fellow blogger has aptly named 'Helicopter Mum'. Now, as a teacher I have certainly encountered my fair share of insane parentals. There was the couple who elected to throw an A-Grade tantrum complete with threats to my personal physical safety if their beloved little boy did not achieve a specific score in the subject I was lucky enough to teach their equally insane offspring. On the other side of the spectrum was the mother who decided that the best way to communicate her passion for her son to achieve a perfect score was to hold my hand through an entire Parent Teacher Interview - just a tad awkward. There was also the mother who looked deep into my eyes and declared, "My son tells me EVERYTHING..." – a little creepy considering she was referring to a seventeen year-old.
So, while I have witnessed bouts of over-protectiveness from a range of parents in my professional life, I am now coming face-to-face with them in my personal life as well. And let me just say these sort of people drive me nuts. I firmly believe they have much to answer for – raising a generation of insipid, mollycoddled, scared of their own shadow, where's my mummy, tantrum throwing, overgrown babies being the first charge. I am a big believer that in 99% of cases kids will bounce back from whatever is thrown at them as long as they have a strong and stable foundation. Most of the time our children are a hell of a lot more resilient than we are and certainly a lot more resilient than many give them credit for being. This particular Grade 3 mother would disagree vehemently. She sees protecting her children from this big, scary world as her most holy of missions and in the process of fulfilling her destiny, she has been driving me (and many others) progressively insane.
Now, perhaps this is my own fault to a certain extent. I was warned. Many attempted to tell me that this well-meaning, non-aggressive and incredibly vague woman was in fact completely and utterly intolerable. Let me be clear – Helicopter Mum is not a bad person. I do believe that she really does want the best for her children and for those around her. She is very vague – so vague that for years I assumed she was constantly stoned. I now realise she is just really slow. But while I find this frustrating, I cannot condemn her for this flaw alone. I can however condemn her for being the most depressing human being on the planet. For a hippie, she lets in very little sunshine. Helicopter Mum focuses constantly on the negatives – the school we send our children to is "very ordinary", the art teacher isn't creative enough, the classroom teacher in Grade 2 was too lenient and the Grade 3 teacher is too harsh, blah, blah, blah. Her daughter is interested in going to summer camp and she's trying to work out a way to stay at the campsite over the course of the week because Precious "won't cope on her own". Precious will cope fine. Precious is actually an awesome kid, surprisingly well-adjusted despite the insane smothering. Helicopter Mum is the one who wouldn't cope.
However what I am beginning to realise is the helicopter phenomenon begins long before the child enters the school gate. Recently friends have had their first child. Well, they say they have. I cannot confirm this fact because neither I, my husband, nor most of our friends have as yet laid eyes on the baby in question. A lovely mutual friend was recently blessed with "a window of between five and ten minutes" with which to come and visit the newborn. Translation: Drop by and hand over the pressie. Now leave. I would like to officially christen this particular new mother Vapid Princess. Apparently, she has found the stress of moving into her new McMansion so overwhelming that she finds basic hospitality simply beyond her. Is it the fear someone will breathe on Vapid Princess II? Break her? Or might a visitor mistakenly drop crumbs on her custom made shabby chic white linen couch? Has, Vapid Princess in fact had her little bundle of joy without reading the fine print of the parenting manual – you know the bit that says having children is a messy business, filled with vomit and shit and lots of crumbs on your all white-interior. If, at the age of less than one month VPII is being shielded from the horrors of the real world what hope does she have?
But I really do wonder, who are these helicopter parents protecting with all their hovering? Is it really their children? Or is it themselves? By claiming to be 'protecting' their young ones are they really just attempting to legitimise wanting to keep their own heads in the clouds? Is it in fact these parents who are terrified of the real world?
Being a parent is scary. There are so many variables out there that one cannot control, things that can potentially hurt and harm those little people we love so much. But hovering doesn't cause those potential dangers to evaporate. The world can be scary. But it can also be an amazing, exciting place full of infinite possibilities. Helicopter parents need to think about what their hovering is really shielding their child from. Often, all that hovering simply prevents young people from seeing that bright blue sky above their own heads.
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