Prince Lank Hair

I am a parent and a teacher. Don't ask me which one I am first and foremost. I honestly would not be able to tell you. Depends on the day. The one thing I can say for certain is that my experience in education has helped inform the parent I am. I have seen the 'other side'. I have seen seventeen year-old drop kicks whose parents are investing $20,000 a year for an elite private school education , but who don't find it necessary to support that particular investment by, I don't know, trying to make sure that their offspring develop a semblance of personal responsibility.

I am about to tell you a tale. A tale of a young man. Let's call him Lank Hair. Lank Hair is attempting his VCE this year. More precisely, he is enrolled in his VCE this year. He is attempting nothing. Sorry - he is making a valiant attempt to get back at his parents for whatever sins they may have committed against him, by throwing his current academic future down the proverbial toilet.

Lank Hair is not stupid. He is quite a perceptive young man. Overestimates his own ability just a tad, but hey, who doesn't? Given his academic ability and his recent decision to do poorly in order to make Mommy and Daddy Lank Hair suffer, his Head of House (elite private school speak for poor schmuck who has to deal with the social and emotional issues of the often spoilt-rotten little cretins who attend the wondrously elite institution) decides to call in the parentals to stage an intervention. Who needs a lunchtime when there is this sort of entertainment on offer?

So Mommy Lank Hair walks in - complete with see-through top and lacy bra showing. Nice. Classy. Head of House (HOH)? Check. Head of Boys? Check. Maths teacher? Check. English teacher? Check. Religion and Society teacher? Legal Studies teacher? Sorry - he's off having a fag. Thinly veiled attempt to finally get sacked. But that's a whole different story. Lank Hair sits on a chair, head down. Not shame, just boredom. Lank Hair proceeds to make excuses. "It's because I don't like maths", "But you used to love maths." protests mum. "Exactly." HOH nods thoughtfully. HOB nods thoughtfully. I stare. I'm happy to admit it, I just don't get it. I'm sorry, but what the hell does that mean??? He doesn't like maths because he used to like maths? That doesn't even make sense!

Lank Hair then proceeds to blame everyone in the world for his failings. Maths teacher has no control over her classroom, English teacher has too much control. Legal Studies doesn't care enough, R&S cares too much. Now, this in itself is not unusual. Teenagers are brilliant at finding reasons why they can't/didn't/shouldn't do what they need to do. But the real highlight in this story is this mother. Mommy Lank Hair with her tits spilling out all over the elite private school conference table, proceeds to "Mmmmm..." and "I totally understand where he's coming from."

I'll tell you where he's coming from. He's coming from an indulgent mother who provides her son with every excuse he needs to fail and blame everybody else in the world for it. He's coming from a mother who tells to a room full of educators that poor Prince Lank Hair is simply "misunderstood", instead of giving him the kick up the bum that he needs. He's coming from a household where his parents have probably bought his shit for years. They've probably helped him mold and create it. He's coming from a woman who has confused being able to pay private school fees with being able to parent.

So, if you are a parent contemplating spending upwards of $20,000 per annum on the education of your little precious, think carefully. Yes, you will get some of the most amazing educators teaching your child. Yes, you will get some incredible facilities for your child to enjoy during their schooling years. But when you decide to make this investment, make sure that you understand your part in all of this. $20,000 buys your kid an opportunity. It is you, as the parent, who needs to make sure that your child is brought up in a manner which will enable them to take advantage of this opportunity. Make sure your child has an understanding of personal responsibility. Make sure you never make excuses for them or allow them to make excuses for themselves. And for god's sake, if, despite all your efforts, you are called in to school, make sure you dress appropriately.